For most normal folks, drinking means
conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from
care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that
life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old
pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great
moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once
did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable
us to do it. There was always one more attempt -- and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we
withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol,
shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness
settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid
places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we
did -- then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four
Horsemen -- Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who
read this page will understand!
Now and then a serious drinker, being dry
at the moment says, "I don't miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a
better time." As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our
friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools
himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get
away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy
about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be
unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know
loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for
the end.
We have shown how we got out from under.
You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be
stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see? I know I must get
along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?"
Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly
more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find
release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will
mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead.
Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.
"How is that to come about?" you ask.
"Where am I to find these people?"
You are going to meet these new friends in
your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a
sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low,
rich and poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among them you
will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful
ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to
shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of
yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full
meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
It may seem incredible that these men are
to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such
misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these
things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them
above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they
will come. The age of miracles is till with us. Our own recovery proves that!
Our hope is that when this chip of a book
is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon
it, to follow its suggestions. Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet and
march on. They will approach still other sick ones and fellowships of Alcoholics
Anonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who must find
a way out.
In the chapter "Working With Others" you
gathered an idea of how we approach and aid others to health. Suppose now that
through you several families have adopted this way of life. You will want to
know more of how to proceed from that point. Perhaps the best way of treating
you to a glimpse of your future will be to describe the growth or the fellowship
among us. Here is a brief account:
Years ago, in 1935, one of our number made
a journey to a certain western city. From a business standpoint, his trip came
off badly. Had he been successful in his enterprise, he would have been set on
his feet financially which, at the time, seemed vitally important. But his
venture would up in a law suit and bogged down completely. The proceeding was
shot through with much hard feeling and controversy.
Bitterly discouraged, he found himself in a
strange place, discredited and almost broke. Still physically weak, and sober
but a few months, he saw that his predicament was dangerous. He wanted so much
to talk with someone, but whom?
One dismal afternoon he paced a hotel lobby
wondering how his bill was to be paid. At the end of the room stood a glass
covered directory of local churches. Down the lobby a door opened into an
attractive bar. He could see the gay crowd inside. In there he would find
companionship and release. Unless he took some drinks, he might not have the
courage to scrape an acquaintance and would have a lonely week-end.
Of course he couldn't drink, but why not
sit hopefully at a table, a bottle of ginger ale before him? After all, had he
not been sober six months now? Perhaps he could handle, say, three drinks -- no
more! Fear gripped him. He was on thin ice. Again it was the old, insidious
insanity -- that first drink. With a shiver, he turned away and walked down the
lobby to the church directory. Music and gay chatter still floated to him from
the bar.
But what about his responsibilities -- his
family and the men who would die because they would not know how to get well, ah
-- yes, those other alcoholics? There must be many such in this town. He would
phone a clergyman. His sanity returned and he thanked God. Selecting a church at
random from the directory, he stepped into a booth and lifted the receiver.
His call to the clergyman led him presently
to a certain resident of the town, who, though formerly able and respected, was
then nearing the nadir of alcoholic despair. It was the usual situation; home in
jeopardy, wife ill, children distracted, bills in arrears and standing damaged.
He had a desperate desire to stop, but saw no way out, for he had earnestly
tried many avenues of escape. Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man
did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic. [NOTE: This
refers to Bill's first visit with Dr. Bob. These men later became co-founders of
A.A. Bill's story opens the text of this book; Dr. Bob's heads the Story
Section.]
When our friend related his experience, the
man agreed that no amount of will power he might muster could stop his drinking
for long. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary, but the
price seemed high upon the basis suggested. He told how he lived in constant
worry about those who might find out about his alcoholism. He had, of course,
the familiar alcoholic obsession that few knew of his drinking. Why, he argued,
should he lose the remainder of his business, only to bring still more suffering
to his family by foolishly admitting his plight to people from whom he made his
livelihood? He would do anything, he said, but that.
Being intrigued, however, he invited our
friend to his home. Some time later, and just as he thought he was getting
control of his liquor situation, he went on a roaring bender. For him, this was
the spree that ended all sprees. He saw that he would have to face his problems
squarely that God might give him mastery.
One morning he took the bull by the horns
and set out to tell those he feared what his trouble had been. He found himself
surprisingly well received, and learned that many knew of his drinking. Stepping
into his car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as he went
about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person in his line of
business.
At midnight he came home exhausted, but
very happy. He has not had a drink since. As we shall see, he now means a great
deal to his community, and the major liabilities of thirty years of hard
drinking have been repaired in four.
But life was not easy for the two friends.
Plenty of difficulties presented themselves. Both saw that they must keep
spiritually active. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital.
They explained their need and inquired if she had a first class alcoholic
prospect.
She replied, "Yes, we've got a corker. He's
just beaten up a couple of nurses. Goes off his head completely when he's
drinking. But he's a grand chap when he's sober, though he's been in here eight
times in the last six months. Understand he was once a well-known lawyer in
town, but just now we've got him strapped down tight." [NOTE: This
refers to Bill's and Dr. Bob's first visit to A.A. Number Three. See the Pioneer
Section. This resulted in A.A. first group at Akron, Ohio, in 1935.]
Here was a prospect all right but, by the
description, none too promising. The use of spiritual principles in such case
was not so well understood as it is now. But one of the friends said, "Put him
in a private room. We'll be down."
Two days later, a future fellow of
Alcoholics Anonymous stared glassily at the strangers beside his bed. "Who are
you fellows, and why this private room? I was always in a ward before."
Said one of the visitors, "We're giving you
a treatment for alcoholism."
Hopelessness was written large on the man's
face as he replied, "Oh, but that's no use. Nothing would fix me. I'm a goner.
The last three times, I got drunk on the way home from here. I'm afraid to go
out the door. I can't understand it."
For an hour, the two friends told him about
their drinking experiences. Over and over, he would say: "That's me. That's me.
I drink like that."
The man in the bed was told of the acute
poisoning from which he suffered, how it deteriorates the body of an alcoholic
and warps his mind. There was much talk about the mental state preceding the
first drink.
"Yes, that' me," said the sick man, "the
very image. You fellows know your stuff all right, but I don't see what good
it'll do. You fellows are somebody. I was once, but I'm a nobody now. From what
you tell me, I know more than ever I can't stop." At this both the visitors
burst into a laugh. Said the future Fellow Anonymous: "Damn little to laugh
about that I can see."
The two friends spoke of their spiritual
experience and told him about the course of action they carried out.
He interrupted: "I used to be strong for
the church, but that won't fix it. I've prayed to God on hangover mornings and
sworn that I'd never touch another drop but by nine o'clock I'd be boiled as an
owl."
Next day found the prospect more receptive.
He had been thinking it over. "Maybe you're right," he said. "God ought to be
able to do anything." Then he added, "He sure didn't do much for me when I was
trying to fight this booze racket alone."
On the third day the lawyer gave his life
to the care and direction of his Creator, and said he was perfectly willing to
do anything necessary. His wife came, scarcely daring to be hopeful, though she
thought she saw something different about her husband already. He had begun to
have a spiritual experience.
That afternoon he put on his clothes and
walked from the hospital a free man. He entered a political campaign, making
speeches, frequenting men's gathering places of all sorts, often staying up all
night. He lost the race by only a narrow margin. But he had found God -- and in
finding God had found himself.
That was in June, 1935. He never drank
again. He too, has become a respected and useful member of his community. He has
helped other men recover, and is a power in the church from which he was long
absent.
So, you see, there were three alcoholics in
that town, who now felt they had to give to others what they had found, or be
sunk. After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up. He came through
an acquaintance who had heard the good news. He proved to be a devil-may-care
young fellow whose parents could not make out whether he wanted to stop drinking
or not. They were deeply religious people, much shocked by their son's refusal
to have anything to do with the church. He suffered horribly from his sprees,
but it seemed as if nothing could be done for him. He consented, however, to go
to the hospital, where he occupied the very room recently vacated by the lawyer.
He had three visitors. After a bit, he
said, "The way you fellows put this spiritual stuff makes sense. I'm ready to do
business. I guess the old folks were right after all." So one more was added to
the Fellowship.
All this time our friend of the hotel lobby
incident remained in that town. He was there three months. He now returned home,
leaving behind his first acquaintances, the lawyer and the devil-may-care chap.
These men had found something brand new in life. Though they knew they must help
other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary. It
was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others.
They shared their homes, their slender resources, and gladly devoted their spare
hours to fellow-sufferers. They were willing, by day or night, to place a new
man in the hospital and visit him afterward. They grew in numbers. They
experienced a few distressing failures, but in those cases they made an effort
to bring the man's family into a spiritual way of living, thus relieving much
worry and suffering.
A year and six months later these three had
succeeded with seven more. Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed
that someone's home did not shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy
in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery
to some newcomer. In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary
to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone
interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability,
the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring
their problems.
Outsiders became interested. One man and
his wife placed their large home at the disposal of this strangely assorted
crowd. This couple has since become so fascinated that they have dedicated their
home to the work. Many a distracted wife has visited this house to find loving
and understanding companionship among women who knew her problem, to hear from
the lips of their husbands what had happened to them, to be advised how her own
wayward mate might be hospitalized and approached when next he stumbled.
Many a man, yet dazed from his hospital
experience, has stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. Many an
alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. He succumbed to that gay
crowd inside, who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his. Impressed
by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when, later,
in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience
closely tallied with his own. The expression on the faces of the women, that
indefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating and electric
atmosphere of the place, conspired to let him know that here was haven at last.
The very practical approach to his
problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine
democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible.
He and his wife would leave elated by the thought of what they could now do for
some stricken acquaintance and his family. They knew they had a host of new
friends; it seemed they had known these strangers always. They had seen
miracles, and one was to come to them. They had visioned the Great Reality --
their loving and All Powerful Creator.
Now, this house will hardly accommodate its
weekly visitors, for they number sixty or eighty as a rule. Alcoholics are being
attracted from far and near. From surrounding towns, families drive long
distances to be present. A community thirty miles away has fifteen fellows of
Alcoholics Anonymous. Being a large place, we think that some day its Fellowship
will number many hundreds. [NOTE: Written in 1939.]
But life among Alcoholics Anonymous is more
than attending gatherings and visiting hospitals. Cleaning up old scrapes,
helping to settle family differences, explaining the disinherited son to his
irate parents, lending money and securing jobs for each other, when justified --
these are everyday occurrences. No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to
be welcomed cordially -- if he means business. Social distinctions, petty
rivalries and jealousies -- these are laughed out of countenance. Being wrecked
in the same vessel, being restored and united under one God, with hearts and
minds attuned to the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to some
people no longer signify much to them. How could they?
Under only slightly different conditions,
the same thing is taking place in many eastern cities. In one of these there is
a well-know hospital for the treatment of alcoholic and drug addiction. Six
years ago one of our number was a patient there. Many of us have felt, for the
first time, the Presence and Power of God within its walls. We are greatly
indebted to the doctor in attendance there, for he, although it might prejudice
his own work, has told us of his belief in ours.
Every few days this doctor suggests our
approach to one of his patients. Understanding our work, he can do this with an
eye to selecting those who are willing and able to recover on a spiritual basis.
Many of us, former patients, go there to help. Then, in this eastern city, there
are informal meetings such as we have described to you, where you may now see
scores of members. There are the same fast friendships, there is the same
helpfulness to one another as you find among our western friends. There is a
good bit or travel between East and West and we foresee a great increase in this
helpful interchange.
Some day we hope that every alcoholic who
journeys will find a Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous at his destination. To
some extent this is already true. Some of us are salesmen and go about. Little
clusters of twos and threes and fives of us have sprung up in other communities,
through contact with our two larger centers. Those of us who travel drop in as
often as we can. This practice enables us to lend a hand, at the same time
avoiding certain alluring distractions of the road, about which any travelling
man can inform you. [NOTE: Written in 1939. As of 1976, there are
almost 28,000 groups in over 90 countries with an estimated membership of over
1,000,000.]
Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be
but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you
will need to begin.
We know what you are thinking. You are
saying to yourself: "I'm jittery and alone. I couldn't do that." But you can.
You forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than
yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a
matter of willingness, patience and labor.
We know of an A.A. member who was living in
a large community. He had lived there but a few weeks when he found that the
place probably contained more alcoholics per square mile than any city in the
country. This was only a few days ago at this writing. (1939) The authorities
were much concerned. He got in touch with a prominent psychiatrist who had
undertaken certain responsibilities for the mental health of the community. The
doctor proved to be able and exceedingly anxious to adopt any workable method of
handling the situation. So he inquired, what did our friend have on the ball?
Our friend proceeded to tell him. And with
such good effect that the doctor agreed to a test among his patients and certain
other alcoholics from a clinic which he attends. Arrangements were also made
with the chief psychiatrist of a large public hospital to select still others
from the stream of misery which flows through that institution.
So our fellow worker will soon have friends
galore. Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up, but if our experience is
a criterion, more than half of those approached will become fellows of
Alcoholics Anonymous. When a few men in this city have found themselves, and
have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no
stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover -- if he
can and will.
Still you may say: "But I will not have the
benefit of contact with you who wrote this book." We cannot be sure. God will
determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him.
He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave. [NOTE:
Alcoholics Anonymous will be glad to hear from you. Address P.O. Box 459, Grand
Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10017]
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We
realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to
us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who
is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But
obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your
relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and
countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God as you understand
God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of
your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the
Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the
Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you -- until
then.
In 1992, with over 96,000 groups, with A.A.
activity in 134 countries.
In 1992, one-third are women; about
one-fifth, 30 and under.
* In 1992, A.A. is composed of
approximately 96,000 groups.
* Fully explained in Appendix II of the
complete Big Book
* For amplification -- see Appendix II
* Please be sure to read Appendix II on
"Spiritual Experience", in the complete Big Book.
* Written in 1939, when there were few
women in A.A., this chapter assumes that the alcoholic in the home is likely to
be the husband. But many of the suggestions given here may be adapted to help
the person who lives with a woman alcoholic -- whether she is still drinking or
is recovering in A.A. A further source of help is noted on page 121.
The fellowship of Al-Anon Family Groups was
formed about thirteen years after this chapter was written. Though it is
entirely separate from Alcoholics Anonymous, it uses the general principles of
the A.A. program as a guide for husbands, wives, relatives, friends, and others
close to alcoholics. The foregoing pages (though addressed only to wives)
indicate the problems such people may face. Alateen, for teen-aged children of
alcoholics, is a part of Al-Anon. If there is no Al-Anon listing in your local
telephone book, you may obtain further information on Al- Anon Family Groups by
writing to its World Service Office: Box 862, Midtown Station, New York, NY
10018-0862
