We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, know thousands
of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have
recovered. They have solved the drink problem.
We are average Americans. All sections of
this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many
political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who
normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness,
and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the
passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when
camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to
Captain's table. Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy
in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The
feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement
which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are
now joined.
The tremendous fact for every one of us is
that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can
absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action.
This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism. An
illness of this sort and we have come to believe it an illness involves those
about us in a way no other human sickness can. If a person has cancer all are
sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic
illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in
life. It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer's. It brings
misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and
employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents anyone can
increase the list.
We hope this volume will inform and comfort
those who are, or who may be affected. There are many.
Highly competent psychiatrists who have
dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to
discuss his situation without reserve. Strangely enough, wives, parents and
intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the
psychiatrist and the doctor.
But the ex-problem drinker who has found
this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win
the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an
understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.
That the man who is making the approach has
had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that
his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real
answer, that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou, nothing whatever except the
sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind,
no people to please, no lectures to be endured these are the conditions we have
found most effective. After such an approach many take up their beds and walk
again.
None of us makes a sole vocation of this
work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel
that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important
demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes,
occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of
effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so
situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.
If we keep on the way we are going there is
little doubt that much good will result, but the surface of the problem would
hardly be scratched. Those of us who live in large cities are overcome by the
reflection that close by hundreds are dropping into oblivion every day. Many
could recover if they had the opportunity we have enjoyed. How then shall we
present that which has been so freely given us?
We have concluded to publish an anonymous
volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task our
combined experience and knowledge. This should suggest a useful program for
anyone concerned with a drinking problem.
Of necessity there will have to be
discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. We are aware
that these matters are from their very nature, controversial. Nothing would
please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention
or argument. We shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal. Most of us sense that
real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for
their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others. Our very
lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and
how we may help meet their needs.
You may already have asked yourself why it
is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. Doubtless you are curious to
discover how and why, in the face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have
recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. If you are an alcoholic
who wants to get over it, you may already be asking What do I have to do?"
It is the purpose of this book to answer
such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done. Before going
into a detailed discussion, it may be well to summarize some points as we see
them.
How many time people have said to us: "I
can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he?" "Why don't you drink like a
gentleman or quit?" "That fellow can't handle his liquor." "Why don't you try
beer and wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff." "His will power must be weak." "He
could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd stop
for her sake." "The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill
him, but there he is all lit up again."
Now these are commonplace observations on
drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and
misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions
are very different from ours.
Moderate drinkers have little trouble in
giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or
leave it alone.
Then we have a certain type of hard
drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically
and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a
sufficiently strong reason ill health, falling in love, change of environment,
or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop or
moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need
medical attention.
But what about the real alcoholic? He may
start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard
drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control
of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.
Here is a fellow who has been puzzling you,
especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things
while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly
intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while
drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest
fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes
disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for
getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important
decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and
well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is
incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills,
and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to
build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the
structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who
goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next
morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplace the night before. If he can
afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one
gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters
grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor
to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply
cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who
gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to
appear at hospitals and sanitariums.
This is by no means a comprehensive picture
of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description
should identify him roughly.
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds
of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its
attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why
can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will
power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
Perhaps there never will be a full answer
to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts
differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is
reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.
We know that while the alcoholic keeps away
from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We
are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system,
something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually
impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly
confirm this.
These observations would be academic and
pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible
cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his
mind, rather than in his body. If you ask him why he started on that last
bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes
these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really makes sense
in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound like
the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with
a hammer so that he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning
to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and
refuse to talk.
Once in a while he may tell the truth. And
the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that
first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are
satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they
do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the
obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect
they are down for the count.
How true this is, few realize. In a vague
way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but
everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his
lethargy and assert his power of will.
The tragic truth is that if the man be a
real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain
point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most
powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic
situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is
suspected.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for
reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will
power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring
into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and
humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the
first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow
taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these
thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare
idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a
complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on
a hot stove.
The alcoholic may say to himself in the
most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he
doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this
nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to
ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that
thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use
anyhow?"
When this sort of thinking is fully
established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed
himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or to permanently
insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of
alcohoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, there would have been
thousands more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop but cannot.
There is a solution. Almost none of us
liked the self- searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of
shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we
saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the
hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we
were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing
left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet.
We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension
of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
The great fact is just this, and nothing
less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have
revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward
God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty
that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed
miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could
never do by ourselves.
If you are as seriously alcoholic as we
were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position
where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from
which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was
to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable
situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did
because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.
A certain American business man had
ability, good sense, and high character. For years he had floundered from one
sanitarium to another. He had consulted the best known American psychiatrists.
Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the care of a celebrated
physician (the psychiatrist, Dr. Jung) who prescribed for him. Though experience
had made him skeptical, he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. His
physical and mental condition were unusually good. Above all, he believed he had
acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its
hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a
short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory
explanation for his fall.
So he returned to this doctor, whom he
admired, and asked him point-blank why he could not recover. He wished above all
things to regain self-control. He seemed quite rational and well- balanced with
respect to other problems. Yet he had no control whatever over alcohol. Why was
this?
He begged the doctor to tell him the whole
truth, and he got it. In the doctor's judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could
never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under
lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. That was a great
physician's opinion.
But this man still lives, and is a free
man. He does not need a bodyguard nor is he confined. He can go anywhere on this
earth where other from men may go without disaster, provided he remains willing
to maintain a certain simple attitude.
Some of our alcoholic readers may think
they can do without spiritual help. Let us tell you the rest of the conversation
our friend had with his doctor.
The doctor said: "You have the mind of a
chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover, where that state
of mind existed to the extent that it does in you." Our friend felt as though
the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang.
He said to the doctor, "Is there no
exception?"
"Yes," replied the doctor, "there is.
Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here
and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual
experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the
nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and
attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are
suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives
begin to dominate them. In fact, I have been trying to produce some such
emotional rearrangement within you. With many individuals the methods which I
employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of
your description."*
Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat
relieved, for he reflected that, after all, he was a good church member. This
hope, however, was destroyed by the doctor's telling him that while his
religious convictions were very good, in his case they did not spell the
necessary vital spiritual experience.
Here was the terrible dilemma in which our
friend found himself when he had the extraordinary experience, which as we have
already told you, made him a free man.
We, in our turn, sought the same escape
with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed,
has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given
us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.
The distinguished American psychologist,
William James, in his book "Varieties of Religious Experience," indicates a
multitude of ways in which men have discovered God. We have no desire to
convince anyone that there is only one way by which faith can be acquired. If
what we have learned and felt and seen means anything at all, it means that all
of us, whatever our race, creed, or color are the children of a living Creator
with whom we may form a relationship upon simple and understandable terms as
soon as we are willing and honest enough to try. Those having religious
affiliations will find here nothing disturbing to their beliefs or ceremonies.
There is no friction among us over such matters.
We think it no concern of ours what
religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals. this
should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the
light of past associations, or his present choice. Not all of join religious
bodies, but most of us favor such memberships.
In the following chapter, there appears an
explanation of alcoholism, as we understand it, then a chapter addressed to the
agnostic. Many who once were in this class are now among our members.
Surprisingly enough, we find such convictions no great obstacle to a spiritual
experience.
Further on, clear-cut directions are given
showing how we recovered. These are followed by three dozen personal
experiences.
Each individual, in the personal stories,
describes in his own language and from his own point of view the way he
established his relationship with God. These give a fair cross section of our
membership and a clear-cut idea of what has actually happened in their lives.
We hope no one will consider these
self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and
women, desperately in need, will see these pages, and we believe that it is only
by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that they will be persuaded to
say, "Yes, I am one of them too; I must have this thing."
